For Wayne Moss, connecting with the family who donated a heart for his daughter helped him understand how the decision came to be. “We got to hear their side of the story about what was happening on those days when Megan received her heart,” he says. “Through talking to them, we were able to see how God's plan of putting it all together provided hope for their family. We have a great relationship with them. They even call our grandbaby their grandbaby too, because she wouldn’t be here without their daughter's heart.”
Wayne Moss holds up a picture of his daughter Megan
And for Joan Flieg, hearing from the woman who was the recipient of her daughter’s left cornea helped her heal. “It was four months after Madeline’s passing that we received a letter from Carol,” she says. “We were blown away that that happened so quickly. We really weren’t expecting to hear good news that fast. I know it's difficult for a recipient to admit to a donor family that they have a part of that person that you love, but for us, it really helps smooth out the rough edges of our shattered and broken heart.”
After receiving a life-changing transplant, many recipients feel compelled to reach out to their donor family. It can be a moving experience for you and may also bring closure to the donor family that is mourning the loss of a loved one. Regardless of whether you choose to write to your recipient or donor family it is a deeply personal decision. The most important thing is to do what’s best for you. If you do decide to reach out, Mid-America Transplant can help facilitate the process. Here are some helpful tips on the outreach process for both the recipient and the donor family.
Tips for writing to your donor family
For many recipients, writing to their donor family is the most difficult thing they have ever done. What could you say that would properly convey your thanks for a gift that saved your life? Other recipients have expressed feelings of guilt or inadequacy, along with the fear that they will cause more pain for the donor family, listing these as reasons that prevented them from sharing their gratitude.
Kidney recipient Steve Marbain says there isn’t a day that goes by where he doesn’t think of his donor and their family. “I want to write to them,” he says. “You never know if the donor family is receptive to hearing from the recipients. But I hope to be able to get to that point where I could write to them and let them know how grateful I am and how well I'm doing.”
Mid-America Transplant asks recipients to follow these guidelines when writing to your donor family:
- Use first names only in the letter and closing signature.
- Refrain from using any identifying information, such as address, city, phone number, email address or last name.
- You may tell your story or the story of your loved one and explain how the experience has changed your life.
- You may include a photo of yourself but identities must be kept confidential.
Detailed instructions for sending your letter as well as frequently asked questions can be found here.
Tips for writing to your recipient family
The power of organ donation means that your loved one’s story doesn’t end with their passing. Facilitating communication with the recipient and their family can be a step toward healing. Ken Brown, a heart recipient, facilitated communication with his donor family and asked how he could help honor their loved one who gave him the gift of life. “This transplant and their son’s donation allowed me to walk my daughter down the aisle in January of 2021,” he says. “I also asked them if there were any wishes or goals that their son or husband may have had so that I might honor him by doing some of those, whether it's volunteering, achieving a certain sporting accomplishment or doing something great that he may have had in mind.”
Mid-America Transplant asks donor families to follow similar guidelines when writing to your recipient and/or their family:
- Use first names only in the letter and closing signature.
- Refrain from using any identifying information, such as address, city, phone number, email address or last name.
- You may tell your story or the story of your loved one and explain how the experience has changed your life.
- You may include a photo of yourself but identities must be kept confidential.
- The amount of information available about the recipient is dependent upon the type of donation.
Detailed instructions for sending your letter as well as frequently asked questions can be found here.
It may help to know that usually donors or their family members express appreciation for the letters or cards they receive from transplant recipients. Nevertheless, some recipients and/or donor families will choose to write and others will not. Other activities or events may offer a way to give back and share appreciation for the gift of life. National Donate Life Month, which occurs every year in April, helps raise awareness about donation, encourage Americans to register as organ, eye and tissue donors and to honor those that have saved lives through the gift of donation. In addition, NDLM features an entire month of activities you can participate in to raise awareness around the mission. Here are 10 ways you can help celebrate NDLM and show support for donor heroes, their families and those awaiting a lifesaving gift.